Filed under: animal rescue, cats, dogs | Tags: animal rescue, cats, closure, dogs, golden retriever, kitten, labrador, pet grief, pet loss, shadytales, snow
I am one lucky dog. Two weeks ago my vet appointment was postponed due to the blizzard of the year. I did make it there last week, but now my next vet appointment (for a teeth cleaning) has been postponed again due to—the REAL blizzard of the year. I guess that first one was just a warm up. I don’t like the car, or the vet’s office or anything at all that they do there no matter how much Mom says it is “for my own good”. So this bad weather is pretty convenient for me. I was such a noisy and shaky mess for the last visit the vet suggested we forgo the exam altogether, and just do the blood work. He said he’d examine me while I was asleep for the dental thing. I am not sure what that means—maybe he already sneaked over and checked my breathing and heart rate and all that while I was sleeping? Why can’t he just do the whole exam and shots and blood work that way too? I bet Mom would pay good money for a house call, that’s all I’m sayin’.
This was the first time in a long time I had to go the vet’s by myself. I used to always go with my older sister Nikki and that made things a little better. She is gone now and I know the vet helped her a lot her whole life, but I wish she was here to remind me it will all be ok. Everyone thought Mom would be sad going back there, to the last place she saw our Nikki, with just one dog but I kept her so busy and made such a racket that I don’t think she had time to be sad. At least I hope not.
Nikki would have loved all this snow; she liked it a lot more than I do. LoJack too, he had a big fluffy coat of golden retriever hair to keep him warm. Mom is missing both of them a lot today, every day. I do my best to keep her mind off it, but I miss them too. A few of our friend’s recently adopted cats after losing their beloved pets…you read about two of them here (Fred and Bella) and just a few days ago “Cookie” the kitten was adopted by Bugsy’s the cat’s Mom. She really missed Bugsy after she left her for the Rainbow Bridge. You can see Bugsy and Cookie on our Facebook page.
Mom is happy for them but she is not ready for that yet. Her inbox is still packed with messages from people going through this too—pet loss and grief. It’s different for everyone. If you are (or have) going through this please drops us a comment and let us know how you are doing. We have learned about a lot of places you can go for help. Some of our rescue stories like the one about Jake the dog and LoJack talk about other ways to deal with this, too.
I am not just lucky to have a reprieve on my vet appointments. I am lucky to be here with my family and safe and warm today. I know there are shelter dogs and cats and even dogs and cats living OUTSIDE (I cannot even imagine that!) that have to deal with this snow in a very different way. You know, whether you are missing a pet or just considering a new furry family member, you may think spring or summer is the best time to adopt a dog or cat. I disagree. There is not any better way to brighten your home and wake up your heart in the middle of this cold winter than with a new addition of furry love and fun. Worried about walking them in this weather? Visit some of the smaller or older dogs at the shelter, they will want less exercise (like me, I just run out, do my business and hustle it back in). Do you like winter sports and walks? Go meet a lonely husky or shepherd mix, or even a Labrador. I am an exception, most labs like cold and snow and so do other breeds. If you are not able to open up your home, consider volunteering or fostering with a rescue group—those dogs need walks before and until they find their new homes. I am sure there is dog (or cat) for every home and then some. Let the snow remind us to find the forever homes that need them!
Filed under: animal rescue, dogs, pet loss, Senior pets | Tags: animal rescue, anniversary, birthdays, companion animals, dogs, fundraising, golden retreiver, homeless animals, labrador, pets, shadytales
Today is my people-brother’s 19th birthday! That’s a whole lot of dog years, but around here they still call him a kid. As you may recall (if you are following us on Facebook or Twitter) the anniversary of my arrival from the pet store was just a few days ago too. Mom celebrates all that stuff here. When there were three dogs it was a celebration for each of us on our birthday and the date we arrived into the family. Mom kept track of all that for us, except for LoJack (my handsome golden retriever brother). He was a rescue so we never knew his birthday. Mom just made it up.
On your dog anniversary or birthday you get a little spoiling and maybe a special meat based treat, but you have to share with the other dogs. Mostly what you get are stories…lots of reminiscing about where you came from, any silly puppy habits you had and all of that. It always makes me feel very special. Mom never knew quite what to talk about for LoJack. She chose the day the rescue found him for his birthday but even they didn’t know much about where he came from. He’d get extra spoiling to make up for the lack of stories. Although she’d always keep it to herself, she’d sometimes also write a letter to his first family on his new birthday. She knew they’d never see it but it seemed to make her feel better about any tough times that may have been in LoJack’s past. Mom wrote one on his last “birthday”, after we knew he was getting sick but weren’t quite sure how much so. He was gone a few short months later it has been really hard on Mom, but when I remember some of the things she wrote that day and that’s how I know that she doesn’t regret a minute of our life with him.
I am going to let you read some of that letter, but first I want to ask you a few things; do you commemorate birthdays for your pets? How do you celebrate, especially for rescues if they have no recorded history? Please leave us a comment of visit us on Facebook and let us know.
Hello again,
It is that time of year here again, when LoJack celebrates his “birthday” with us. All he has left of his life before us is his name, which was on his collar and all we ever really knew about him. Once we got to know him the name made a lot of sense, as he is always tracking me and wanting to be just where I am. I imagine he did that with you too. That used to really bother me but after all this time I realize I should just be thanking you. Thank you for your timing. This dog has brought our family such love and happiness over the last 4 years. Even one day’s difference on your part may have meant the difference between us finding him or not. If you had to give him up, I am glad that you did it precisely when you did.
LoJack has never held a grudge against you or any person, so I am going to let go of mine too. As much as I love all my dogs, I understand they are a huge responsibility and sometimes one cannot meet it even if they want to. The truth is you have must have done something right to have raised such a wonderful companion for me and for that I will always be grateful.
LoJack is safe and loved here, and we will see him through whatever old age has to dish out. If you worry about him or regret what you did at all, there is no need to think you have to make it up to him. I believe he understands. What you can do instead, if you’d like, is help some other animal companions out there. You don’t have to open your home to another pet to do that. Maybe you could pick up some pet food and drop it off to someone who has a pet but is having a hard time making ends meet. Or, if you have any pets now, you could make sure you set some money aside for their care in case of an emergency. I am sure you can come up with something. No effort is too small. Now of course you will never see this, so I will try to do it for you.
If I could, I would ask you for something more specific…tell me why. Tell me why you got him, why you let him go. Tell me and tell everyone that you regret it, or why it was the only solution you ended up with. Give me something I can use, not just for my own understanding but for others to learn from. I can’t adopt them all—no one can and that is the problem. The only way to save them all is to encourage adoption and slow down the surrenders. Our stories together could help to do that. “
If you have been following my blog and Mom’s website efforts, you can see she is trying to do that last part on her own. She is in good company, many, many people want to help these animals and they do—one dog or cat at a time. She doesn’t have much time to volunteer anymore, but she set up a whole business to help the rescue groups raise money. Her stories about LoJack and me and Nikki are not terribly unique but she shares them all the time to remind people about dogs like LoJack. Please adopt, volunteer, donate or share your stories too. Every dog deserves his day—a special day for celebration and a lifetime of ordinary days to feel loved and comfortable.
Filed under: animal rescue, cats, pet loss | Tags: animal rescue, bella, foster cats, fred, homeless animals, kitten, labrador, pet adoption, pet loss, shadytales, trixy
Have you heard the term “impulse buy”? That’s what some people called me when Mom brought me home. They said it like it was a bad thing. It’s true that bringing a dog or cat into your life is not something to be taken lightly, but Mom already had pets before and knew what she was getting into. The only thing that was a surprise was exactly what puppy would be next to enter her life. Who says you always regret a reaction to an impulse? Or that you will be 100% content with a decision just because it is preplanned? There are no rules when it comes to family, and that is what I am now.
Handsome Fred, just look at those whiskers!
With the disclaimer about taking the addition of a pet to your family seriously firmly in place above, I will give you another example of chance bringing someone a furry friend at just the right time; my friends Fred and Bella. Fred and Bella were homeless kittens just a few months ago. Fred was born on a farm to a Mom that did not survive long after birth and part of a litter where only one other kitten survived. He ended up in foster care at a vet’s office. Bella is a beautiful young cat who was stray and wandered the streets for who knows how long and no one really knows why.
These two cats crossed paths with Trixy’s family in the midst of a crisis. Trixy was a beloved 14-year-old cat who was slowly succumbing to age and her family was completely absorbed in her care. They saw Fred at that vet’s office week after week when they brought Trixy in, as did so many others and yet still no one stepped up and took him home. Even though the family was sad over Trixy’s prognosis and knew that with her care they could not take on any other responsibilities like a new kitten, they always made time to visit with Fred at the office anyway. They thought he was so cute and playful and could not understand why no one had brought him home yet. Meanwhile, they also started to notice Bella hanging around outside their home occasionally.
By the time the cold weather came, Trixy had to go to the Rainbow Bridge. When dogs and cats go there, it means they can’t be with their families anymore and the families get very sad. Trixy’s Mom, Dad and cat siblings Harry and Tonto were devastated. After hearing about another adoption for Fred that fell through, they suddenly saw him in a new light. They knew that the timing here was not purely coincidental…such a handsome friendly kitten up for adoption in a place full of animal lovers was not merely being overlooked. He was on a silent reserve, just waiting for his family to be ready for him. He knew they’d be back for him, and they were. Fred joined Trixy’s family very soon after they lost her.
Little Bella, safe in her forever home.
Bella, on the other paw, was waiting for Fred. She figured the time to make her move was after he became part of the family. That says a lot about a family, when they adopt a kitten. You know you will be in good hands then. Bella also knows young cats need someone their own age to play with and Harry and Tonto had already grown out of their kitten phase. Sure enough, Bella soon found a warm cat bed in the garage and some food and she was indoors with Fred, Harry and Tonto in no time. This family needed some distraction after losing Trixy and having two new kittens is definitely distracting.
Harry and Tonto have been a little slow to adjust to the new youngsters around the house, but they are coming around and for the time being Bella has Fred for company. Those two will form a bond and be able to age gracefully together in a home with a family that loves them. Their family was relieved of the burden of figuring out what to do next, “should we get a new pet? When should we get a new cat? Is it too soon?” One could even consider that Trixy herself perhaps took part in the plans from the bridge. Her family will have a multi cat population for a good long time now, and won’t be scared of going through what they went through with her again. They will be reminded daily of the good times and will always have fur kids to love them as much as Trixy did. That is probably exactly what Trixy would want for them.
I am not suggesting that everyone go out and adopt the first set of cute puppy eyes or kitty whiskers they see—a pet is not right for everyone’s household. I am just asking that you don’t ignore the signs. Most reasonable, compassionate people with the right intentions and modest means can learn how to care for an animal. If there is one that is tugging at your heartstrings, or maybe has a little baggage to tote, simply do what you do for your fellow humans in the same position when you find them staying in your thoughts– be open to letting them into your life.
12/2010-Fred’s Update: An Un-Fairy Tale.
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Filed under: animal rescue, dogs | Tags: animal rescue, blizzard, feral cat, labrador, outdoor dog, pet adoption, shadytales, snow, weather
SNOW DAY! We are slowly getting buried in snow here today in NJ. Mom is home from work (Yay!) but glued to the laptop trying to get some work done from here. That means I only have a minute to say hello before she reclaims the computer and I resume my spot next to her. We have not had a big snow storm like this in a few years. I like it because everyone stays close to home. BONUS: Mom cancelled my vet appointment for tomorrow morning.
A lot the country is experiencing this blizzard now. I worry that snow is bad news for the dogs and cats in the shelters around here. Can people get to them to take care of them? When families are distracted by bad weather they don’t think about adding a pet to the mix, it sounds like a lot of trouble to them at times like this. What about the feral cats and “outdoor” dogs? How do they stay warm? Maybe some adoption events had to be cancelled due to the snow…
Please don’t forget about our homeless fur friends this time of year. They might need extra blankets and towels donated; volunteers might need a break or people to shovel them out. It would not hurt to remind someone you know how nice it is to curl up on the couch with a dog or cat in this cold weather, either. If you can, call your local shelter and see what they might need. Maybe you can pick up a shift for a snowed in volunteer or help spread the word about a rescheduled event. Better yet consider adopting a pet today. You will save your new pet’s life, and make room at the shelter to save another. You will also be guaranteed a warm snuggle buddy for any storm.
As promised after all my talk about working dogs, today we are giving props to a working class cat. This month’s Reader’s Digest magazine has a story about a very special and formerly homeless cat named Oscar. We are not linking to that story here, though. Oscar trumps the links I sent you about guide dogs a few weeks ago by getting himself written up in a little mag known as the New England Journal of Medicine. That’s right, you heard me. This cat is getting recognition in the medical community for his unique ans previously unheard of skills.
Oscar was never trained for his job. He was adopted for companionship and at first seem ill suited to that job. Turns out he simply had more important work to do. As you can read in the NEJM article below, he managed to make his situation work for him on his own terms. Some may question the benefits of his skill and if you feel that way after reading this please try to get your paws on the RD article (which is more in depth and does not seem to be available online yet) at the library or on the news stand. Then you will understand the difference he has made for so many with his gentle and compassionate gift. Now I’ll let the NEJM do the introduction and tell you what Oscar’s day is like:
Since he was adopted by staff members as a kitten, Oscar the Cat has had an uncanny ability to predict when residents are about to die. Thus far, he has presided over the deaths of more than 25 residents on the third floor of Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island. His mere presence at the bedside is viewed by physicians and nursing home staff as an almost absolute indicator of impending death, allowing staff members to adequately notify families. Oscar has also provided companionship to those who would otherwise have died alone. For his work, he is highly regarded by the physicians and staff at Steere House and by the families of the residents whom he serves. Read more…
Filed under: cats, dogs, events | Tags: animal rescue, bunny, cats, companion animals, homeless animals, puppy bowl, shadytales, superbowl
As promised, I sat thru my first ever Puppy Bowl today in its entirety. As I was promised, it was pretty adorable and no, no matter how often I checked behind the TV those puppies were not really in my living room. If those pups were homeless before the game, I bet they aren’t anymore. I hope Animal Planet follows up with a “where are they now” type thing for all the animals involved-kitties, bunnies and hamsters too.
I am a dog that likes her lazy Sundays, but I made an exception to do this follow up blog because I was a little disappointed in some of the PB commentary. I think they missed a few opportunities to talk more about the puppies directly. How about a reminder about older dogs in shelters? Or pointing out different breed qualities and the advantages of mixed breeds? I guess I was hoping for more emphasis on adoption. The shelters that participated are on the website, but the credits rolled by so fast there is no hope of catching their names during the broadcast.
I know cute puppies and kitties frolicking on national TV does more good than harm for the animal rescue movement. I just wish they had taken advantage of the opportunity to do even more, to hook the casual channel flipper and reel them in. Make them look in those puppy eyes and understand how many more there are just like them that did not even get out of their crates today.
Filed under: cats, dogs, events | Tags: bunny, dogs, hamsters, pet adoption, puppy bowl, puppy bowl 2010, rabbits, shadytales, superbowl
Today is the 5th annual “Puppy Bowl” on Animal Planet. As I understand it, AP takes inspiration from the “yule log” broadcasts over the holidays and essentially lets rescue and shelter pups run amok in a puppy sized stadium for the event. They include a kitten half time show, bunny cheerleaders and a blimp taking aerial shots that is crewed by hamsters.
Yea, that’s right you heard me, I said hamsters. And cats and bunnies. Being a sporting breed myself, I have to ask; isn’t this just asking for trouble? Dogs, cats, rodents, all in confined space for 2 hours. Sure, there is referee but can he control the potential mayhem? What if the some of the puppies are afraid of loud whistles? What happens to Fido if he goes for a kitty from the sidelines? What does that say to the world about his breed, his species? And who cleans up the poop? Dog piles on every yard line do not make a compelling argument for opening your home to a dog. My Mom is telling me this is a good thing for animals, that the show raises awareness for homeless pets. I am not quite convinced. There is so much that can go so very wrong!
For the first time this year, I’ll be watching closely and researching online too. Does this event raise money for animal companion charities too? Does it make people want to adopt dogs? Look for our live comments via Twitter today—you know, to stay updated in case maybe you have something else to watch today like I don’t know maybe a football game? Leave me a comment here if you are watching too and help me figure out if this whole thing is good, bad or simple humiliation for companion animals everywhere. It’s the Puppy Bowl, as seen by a former puppy! Benevolence or bad news?
Filed under: dog training, dogs, pet loss | Tags: animal rescue, bonding, dog training, dogs, homeless animals, labrador, pet adoption, pet grief, pet loss, shadytales
The week is not over yet but it has been a long one. We heard from a lot of you through Facebook, Twitter, email and the blog about your lost pets…some recent and some long ago. It didn’t matter; we all remembered the joy of their lives with us and the pain of losing them as if it were yesterday. Many thanks and sympathies to all who reached out to us.
Since the topic got such a reaction after devoting a story to LoJack, it did not feel right to move past it without a tale about Nikki. Nikki was my 12-year-old lab sister. She is the dog that made my Mom a dog person. We lost her suddenly on January 4, 2010. She came from a breeder, as this was well before Mom knew about all the rescue dogs that needed us. For her story, we start at the beginning, right from her puppy days. It has given me some ideas on how to segue way to another topic that is relevant to a lot of shelter animals and their new families. Some call it “training” but we prefer “bonding”. We can get back to rescue tales from there. For now, please indulge us and read one more story from our life as we tell you how Mom learned what it really means to let a dog into your life.
Learning about Nikki’s puppyhood reminded me of my very first vet visit. On the same day that my Mom brought me home from the pet store 8 years ago, she took me to the vet. I did not even have a name yet. I was very small and shy and cute (and I still am), but she wanted to make sure I was healthy too. The doctor was not swayed by my puppy eyes or my soft shiny fur—he gave me a very thorough and objective examination. After it was over, he picked me up, patted my head and handed me back to Mom with this summation “Everything looks fine, I think you should keep her”. My Mom was taken aback by his words. She had taken me for an exam only to do right by me and to see if I needed anything…of course she was going to “keep me”. No matter what. She told him so, too. I had a feeling right then and there that I had landed in the right place.
Our vet is of course a very caring and compassionate man and a great doctor. He was just doing his job and figured this stamp of approval what Mom had come to his office for. I think most people who will take the time to read a blog like this believe what Mom does; a furry friend is family and there is no looking back once they enter your life. After meeting my new brother LoJack 4 years later and helping Mom with her volunteer work over the years Mom and me both understand now that unconditional love is not always a given for a dog or a cat. It is not always possible to give your pets the life I have had…whether one becomes unable or is simply unwilling. The vet, as it turns out, has met a lot of people like that too so he likes to be careful. I don’t like to think about it, but there are a lot of dogs that do not get the chance to find a proper forever family so I think the doctor took his role in making sure I got that chance very seriously.
When I got home from that vet visit, I met a four-year old Nikki and she seemed like one spoiled dog. I always figured wherever they met, her and Mom must have hit it off right from the start. Love at first sight, no doubt about it. Just like what hit Mom when she saw me. In reality, Nikki and Mom had not hit it off so well for the first few years. No one told me about it because they barely even think about it now…Nikki was part of the family from day one just like I was and one just does what one needs to do to learn how to make it work, don’t they? Its nothing special. “No big stories here, Shady…take your pen and find something else to write about.” Mom told me. “Step away from the laptop…no scandals or newsworthy events in this back story!” When pressed, it Mom did admit that there were some “challenges” early on.
Nikki, after a swim in the lake. (age 9)
Nikki was just the kind of puppy I was not. She had tons of energy and loved to play and retrieve stuff. She was very brave and alert. She was the first one in the litter to approach when Mom knelt down to meet them all, and the only one who chased the ball when Dad threw it. She was the last puppy in her litter to drop for a nap after playtime. These things made her stand out and ultimately she was the pup they chose to bring home from the breeder. Turns out some of these things also convey dominance, a word Mom did not know then but came to know all too well in the year that followed. One of the trainers we had said Nikki had the strongest dominance he had ever seen in our usually eager to please Labrador breed. Mom never had a dog before and Nikki was really low on the eager to please thing. She sensed Mom’s uncertainly and tested her over and over. I’ll let Mom step in here and recount some of the typical interactions between them that first year for you.
“Sometime soon after I removed my umpteenth sweater, with Nikki still attached to it by her teeth, and added it to the pile of ruined clothes I had accumulated in the last few months I started to crack. This tiny puppy had such a grip on it that it was stretched to the floor and I could not walk without dragging her with me. She leapt at me out of nowhere and latched on to my clothes time and time again. The trainer warned me, biting my clothes was the same as biting me. It cannot be tolerated, it is aggressive behavior. Even if it is coming from a 10 lb, 10 week old black fuzzball. She does not bite or break skin but she is growling and snarling and clearly angry. Nikki pulled these stunts constantly and I knew as she got bigger it could be dangerous. She kept her distance from me most of the time, standing with her ears alert and watching me constantly. She never let me pet her or sit by her or do anything with her (except feed her). I was beginning to wonder when she ever slept. She was always carefully assessing if she could really trust me. Could I handle some dog emergency like a bear attack or whatever the heck it is that scares Labrador retrievers? And so she tested me like this over and over—in a sneak attack. I wondered when or if she would ever be able to be a real part of my life, to be in the same room with me even without both of our nerves being fully on edge.
I consulted with many trainers and they all had very strict regimens and rules—no rewarding with treats, training walks with the use of choke and pinch collars, do not allow her on furniture or to walk through a door ahead of you and so on. Following one trainers advice, I tethered her to me 24/7 with a short leash. This way she was never more than 4 feet from me and I had a choke collar to correct any undesired or ominous behavior, such stealing food or voicing a menacing growl, before it escalated. Nothing would get by me this way. I felt silly with a choke collar on this little pup. I rarely had anything to correct—Nikki never chewed up furniture legs or stole socks or did any typical puppy mischief. She still growled and attacked me and for that I never had time to pull any silly collar to stop it. One day, as I got her ready for a walk she did her usual routine of furiously nipping at the leash and growling as I tried to get her to move and we got all tangled up near the basement stairs. Before I knew what happened…we tumbled down 12 steps on to a concrete floor. I broke several bones in my foot and Nikki hurt her paw. I brought her to the vet before I even worried about my foot. Her paw was not broken (I think I broke her fall) and he offered to keep her overnight and spay her as we had planned to do soon anyway so I could get myself to the doctor. I came home alone, bruised and battered and with a broken heart too. Would this dog ever trust me?
I knew then that something had to change. I decided that when she came home, things would be different. I went against what every book and trainer said. I went “soft”. Not because I believed it would work per se or that it was what she needed, but because it is more who I am. Nikki got to sleep in our room after that. That alone made the most difference. She also got treated to walks on a retractable lead where she could sniff and explore instead of the regimented “heel” walks we had been struggling through. I baby talked her and gave her occasional treats and special meals and invited her on the furniture. Combined, it all began to make us more relaxed together. We started to know what to expect from each other. Although it would still be many months before she would lay or sit close to me or show me any affection at all, the sudden physical attacks ceased. I had taken the first step to gaining her trust—I stopped trying to be something I was not.
Several people along the way asked why I didn’t just “get rid of her”. That never crossed my mind. She was still my dog and she did not ask to live here. When time and trainers did not cure it, I told myself it was my obligation to make it work. Looking back it was more than that. I loved her from day one. Our conflict was our bond. We both needed to grow up a little and we needed each other’s help to do it. Looking at us together after the first year or two, no one would have ever known we had a problem. Nikki got to figure out who she really was, too. She is a tireless watchdog and once I earned it, she was loyal to me to no end. She was still always alert and watching me, but then it was in her capacity as protector. She never did fully rest until I did. We had learned our roles, each doing what the other needed to live and love together. ”
Nikki did a lot for our family, but mostly she paved the way for yours truly. She left the role of snuggle bunny wide open for me to fill. I got to sleep in the bedroom from day one and I never saw a choke collar or any of that other crazy trainer stuff. I am still the same puppy I was 8 years ago and Mom took the time to get to know me and what I need right away thanks to the lessons she learned with Nikki. For example; if you call me, there is only a 50-50 shot I am going to show up. If there is a dog on TV, I am going to try to crawl behind the TV set to meet him. If the vacuum comes into the room, I am going to leave. If it is raining out, I am not going any further than the outside steps to do my business. If you set something soft down anywhere, I am going to lay on it. When the doorbell rings, I am going to grab my favorite bone and hide—every time. As a matter a fact I used to hide from almost everything until Nikki told me it was okay. Even then, under no circumstances will I allow myself to be in the same room with goldfish—something about them is just not right. Suffice it to say without Nikki to pave the way; I might be in some other family right now. Nikki always took care of the serious stuff around here like checking out strangers, barking at the mailman or other dogs walking by. I am happy in my role as cuddle partner and face smoocher. This is definitely where I was meant to be.
Mommy had the best of both worlds with us and Nikki had a good life. I will get to age gracefully and be spoiled even more as I get older. Lots of other dogs deserve this life too. Maybe you have a dog or a cat like that? If you tell me and my Mom a little about them, we will blog about them if you want. Maybe if we tell enough stories, all the dogs and cats in all the shelters will get another chance to find the right family, too. That is what “Dog Eared Tales” is all about, to support of Mom’s business to raise money and find homes for homeless dogs and cats. We both hope you will be a part of it.
Filed under: pet loss | Tags: animal rescue, cats, dogs, labrador, online pet loss support, pet grief, pet loss, shadytales
Yesterday was a pretty tough day around here. It is the day that the dog licenses renew here in town. Mom finally had to fill out the papers that she has been carrying around in her purse for a month. She finally had to deal with them to get me a new set of tags. She had to check off the little box that says “deceased” on the forms for Nikki and LoJack. That was pretty unbelievable for her and it reminded me that everyone in this family is still going though some intense grieving.
Maybe some of you have read about LoJack in my first blog? We’ll be writing about Nikki more soon too. Mom did not even know what a blog was till she lost LoJack. She found a website for women we call Fab40 with an online pet loss group that had a platform for her to work though her grief and she started blogging and talking about him a lot there. The women were very supportive and sympathetic. A lot of them had been through it too. So today I am reprinting one of Mom’s most well received blogs, written just days after LoJack passed away. It was hard to reread it, because it is still so easy to go back that place, that sharp immediate pain we all felt right after. I want to post it here today for anyone else who is going through this.
I’ll also be sharing pet loss support and resources on Twitter and Facebook this week. You can find me on Twitter or Facebook using the links on the left—and you do not have to sign up or even “follow” me there to go my page and read the tweets. I also encourage you to please post a tribute to your own lost pets here in the comments or using the link I mentioned above. Mom’s blog sparked that kind of reaction from a lot of women who read it the first time around. Please share your resources and tributes with us, so we all know we are not alone. And now, without further ado I give you my Mom, Melissa:
Closure
My friends were wrong. Last night I brought my LoJack home. Friends tried to prepare me for the temporary cardboard and plastic that would hold the ashes of my beloved golden retriever. They let me know there were other things I could transfer his remains into like nice urns you can buy online, or I could bury the ashes. So I braced myself for the sight of him in such an inappropriate resting place as I entered the vet hospital and told them I was there to bring my dog home.
Instead, LoJack was in a rather substantial engraved oak box. It suited him well, and allowed me to set him in the living room corner once and for all as soon as I got home. I won’t have to disturb him again. His collar and leash sit nearby and a photo will be next to him soon, when I am ready. Last night I said good night to his collar and tag, instead of his picture on my Blackberry as I have been doing. It was still as sad and sickening as it has been every night since I lost him last week.
Friends also told me that having him back here would bring me some “closure“. I have not experienced loss like this; I never lost anyone so close to me as this dog was. I didn’t understand what closure meant. How could a single act, that LoJack wasn’t here to even appreciate, erase all this pain? When I brought LoJack to his final vet visit it was not supposed to end that way. I told him I’d be back to pick him up like always. Things did not go well I had not been able to do so that day or even in the next few days. I let him down. My heart was broken to the point of physical illness for having broken that promise to him. As I rode home with that box in my lap, I understood closure. While LoJack’s loss is still a raw hurt that aches every moment, I had finally been able to fulfill the promise. So for us, me and LoJack, it is a level of closure. It does not take away the pain but it transforms it. His passing has become my issue to deal with, not his. He is where we all will be at some point and he knows exactly how I feel about him, that I did not mean to let him down. Letting go of just that small piece of guilt and knowing that he is not hurting as I am is what I need to start remembering him with a smile and not tears. There is still more grieving to get through but it will be different now. My friends were right.
