Filed under: pet loss, Senior pets | Tags: aging pets, dogs, euthanasia, labrador, old cats, old dogs, pet grief, pet loss, shady, shadytales
Mom and I have been sorting through a stockpile of new pet stories to tell. We are setting those aside yet again to address a theme we have heard a lot more about this week than we’d like. Most pet owners face this particular challenge at some point and it is one they claim to understand going in. Then when it happens to them, they realize they had no idea what they where in for.
Initially I felt this was more of a people-thing than an animal thing, so I asked Mom to take this post on. Two of her friends are dealing with this question this week. They are both handling things differently and each with equal amounts of compassion and grace. The specifics of that are not important though, not today anyway. I’ll let Mom finish up from here.
Thank you, Shady. The dilemma Shady refers to is, “How do you know when it is time to let your pet go?” After a lifetime of loving and caring for your best furry friend, families have always heard that they will know when, but HOW will they know? In an instant it seems, usually after a vet visit with a grim prognosis or just the inevitability of aging, subtleties and guidelines become important.
Though I started down a path with a list of unconventional insights I gained very recently, I am saving that stuff for another day. Anyone asking us this question needs some good information in a hurry. No time for lists. We are no experts, but we can tell you with certainty that if you have this question to begin with, it probably is NOT time yet so read on…
Q. How do you know when it is time to let your best friend go? What are the signs?
A. You will never fully let them go, so stop trying. Your pet is part of your family forever. Don’t be afraid to take a little time to prepare for the burden of taking on their pain. Freeing their bodies to rest in peace and agreeing to carry this pain for them as you miss them will last forever. The short time in between is a gift and your dog or cat may need this time as much as you do.
A dog that trusts you enough to let you see his changing needs is a gift.
Reward your pet’s trust, love and faith in you by demonstrating what every pack animal needs to see from their leader when they are stressed; strength and protection. The decision of “when” is not always black and white so don’t be afraid to see the shades of gray as you search for the “signs.” Consider that animals may not pine for lost youth the way people do. If they are pain-free they may take great joy in aging quietly with you and in the security of their own home for longer than you realize.
Or not. There is a risk of waiting too long but it can be managed. Unless you are far removed from vet care, you will be able to do what is necessary in a timely manner if things change suddenly. You know this about yourself; do not doubt your instincts.
To be further assured of this simply tune in to your pet by spoiling them (more than usual) any way you can manage. This level of attention and support may not be possible long-term but short-term it will tell your pet clearly; it’s okay to show me what you are feeling.
Why do you need to convey this to you pet? Because they are waiting for a sign too. Shady and I figured out that she is wrong; this dilemma is not a “people only” thing. Pets want to know when their best friend is ready to let them go. They don’t want to let you down and they will fight hard not to abandon you before they know you are going to be okay.
Accepting a pet in their new state of frailty (and I am not talking about any extenuating methods of care that are outside of your reach, here) will reassure them. As you brace yourself for the inevitable you will be comforted with memories of a proper goodbye.
Don’t underestimate your need for that memory. Lack of it can overshadow all later when you are grieving and make the loss much more intense. Find a boundary you and your pet can share so you both endure the least amount of suffering possible as you wait for the right time.
Adoption Good,. Homeless Bad. Dog Eared Tales author Shady is the newest and rarest designer breed of all dogs…a “blogdog”. Well, okay, she is actually an 9-year-old Labrador and co-founder of http://www.thisgoodthatbad
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Thank you for posting this….
Comment by Vikki May 18, 2011 @ 11:50 amThis is so hard. My last 4 family members I have had to let go went from fine to not fine to gone so quickly I didn’t have to ponder when the time was right. 4 trips to the emergency vet followed by information that only really left 1 option. So we sat with them a few more minutes, said our good-byes and held paws and petted them as they crossed over. The 2 before that were a dog with cancer and a cat with kidney failure. Our dog just told us…she stopped eating, spent time outside, etc. We knew it was time to let her go. With the cat she had been an indoor cat all her life, we have a dog door and she never used it. At the end I would lose her and end up finding her out in the back yard. After the second time I realized what she was doing and called the vet. It’s never an easy choice, but I completely believe they tell us when it’s time, all we have to do is pay attention. I love how you have been saying about making the decision to take away our pets pain and take it into our hearts and let them go. It’s a beautiful metaphor.
Thanks so much for all you do and share!
Mr. Nubbin’s Mom
Comment by Mr. Nubbin' May 18, 2011 @ 12:14 pmYes, for all our worrying the time is often very short. For a dog, weeks are like months, and months years at this stage.
Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words about our post. Thanks also for paying attention and doing right by your pets…and sharing the story so we remember to trust our heart.
Comment by Shady May 18, 2011 @ 12:19 pmi haven’t yet had to deal with this, as my last 2 dogs were killed simultaneously after a bad pet sitter “lost” them. i now have a 13 and 10 year old, and i dread the day i have to make a decision. i know they will help me.
Comment by 3 pups May 18, 2011 @ 12:43 pmThey will, just as you have you always helped them
Comment by Shady May 18, 2011 @ 5:34 pmThanks for stopping by.
Oh, Miss Shady and Miss Shady’s Mom, this postie made my mom all watery. Thank you for your compassionate information. We have bookmarkied this postie for the future.
Luvs,
Jackie (and Mom)
Comment by littlemissjackie May 18, 2011 @ 5:54 pmWe share our home with 3 geriatric dogs, ages 18, 15 and 14. We have said good-bye to 3 beloved old dogs already; for each, the circumstance was different and always heart wrenching. The same may be said for the 4 dogs of my childhood. The hole that remains simply cannot be filled. Or perhaps I refuse to fill that void, clinging to every memory of my beloved friends. As you described above, the good-bye time, if you are lucky enough to have it, is a treasured memory.
Comment by Dianne May 19, 2011 @ 6:55 amThank you for offering support to others and tackling this difficult subject.
Typing through early morning tears…and grateful for all the memories.